Twinning Tuesday, Planning a Multiple Birth

When I was pregnant with our first (singleton) child, we had a pretty clear vision of the birth that we wanted to have. We took Bradley classes, read lots of books, and planned to deliver with a midwife at our local Birthing Center. Everything went to plan, and I was able to deliver naturally and uneventfully.

As soon as we learned that I was expecting twins with my second pregnancy, we started to run into road blocks when it came to having the same sort of birth the second time around.

The Little Guy listening to the babies' heart beats.

Between our health insurance company, and our local midwives balking at delivering twins, we found ourselves somewhat reluctantly planning a hospital birth.

Please, don't misunderstand me; I understand that hospitals do wonderful work every day, but I am not always convinced that they are the best places for women to deliver a baby, in the event of a normal, uncomplicated delivery.

Thirty six weeks pregnant!

That being said, we did a couple of things that I think really helped us have the best outcome possible when it came time for us to deliver at our local hospital.

• We hired a Doula, who worked with me throughout my twin pregnancy, and then came to the hospital with me when it came time to deliver. She really helped keep me in the best health possible, ask the right questions, and question unnecessary recommendations.

• We took a tour of the hospital when I was about 30 weeks pregnant, and made a point of meeting the head nurse on the Delivery and Post Natal Wards. We asked lots and lots of questions (where am I allowed to labor? when do I have to move to the operating room for delivery? how much freedom of movement will I be allowed to have during labor, and can I choose my own birthing position? can my newborns room in with me? what will happen in the event of an emergency?) Asking these questions ahead of time helped My Good Man and I develop a plan, and it gave us a better sense of what we could do at the hospital, the limits we could push, and those that we could not.

• Even though we had taken Bradley Birthing classes for our first baby, we took a refresher course for the twin pregnancy. It helped remind us of the work ahead, and get my body ready with the Bradley exercises.

• We found a Obstetrician who we loved! I had an OB/Gyn doctor who I had seen for many years; but when he began the asking when I was going to schedule an elective cesarean section for the twins, I knew that I was not in the best hands for my personal care. I changed doctors, at 35 weeks pregnant, and was so, so happy I did. I was fortunate to find a new doctor who I trusted without reservation.

• We made a birth plan. We took some aspects of the plan that we used for our first birth, and then added multiple specific details. It included labor, delivery, postpartum, and what we would like to have happen in the event of an emergency cesarean section. We were very thorough, asking for as few inventions as possible. I made plenty of copies, and gave them out to everyone on our prenatal, delivery, and postpartum team. I think it really helped! I am happy to share my plan with any interested readers; please feel free to either email me here, or leave a note in the comments below.

• I read. A lot! I reread my Bradley birthing books, I read books by Ina Mae Gaskin, and I read several books specifically on nursing twins (see below for links to a selection of the books I enjoyed!)

• I am fortunate to live in the suburbs of a large urban area, where there are several multiple/twin groups, (like Moms of Multiples), including a La Leche League group specifically for multiples. Talking to other mamas who had delivered twins helped me as I walked the same path.

 A multiple pregnancy can certainly have higher risks; it can not only be grueling physically, but can be emotionally stressful as well. This is such an important time, the months during a multiple pregnancy, to treat yourself well, to look after yourself and your babies.

And the outcome of my own multiple pregnancy? Well, I started labor two days shy of my forty week mark, then my Baby B flipped from head down to full transverse. After talking to my doula, my doctor, and My Good Man, and weighing all out options, we had both of our twins via non-emergency c-section. It was not how we had envisioned having our babies, but we were able to make the best out of the situation. I nursed them both while in recovery, My Good Man was able to stay with them both during the immediate postpartum phase, and they roomed in with us for our entire hospital stay. They were both happy and healthy, and both came home with us after a three day stay. Truly, we were very blessed.

And those books? Here they are!

How was your twin or multiple pregnancy? What advice would you give to a friend expecting twins, or more? Feel free to share; I'd love to hear from you!

And don't forget to leave a comment if you are interested in receiving a copy of my Twin Birth Plan - I am happy to share!

Twinning Tuesday: Mama Guilt

I don't think there is a parent who doesn't have feelings of guilt over something ...

- not enough time
- work
- the food they are serving to their family
- what they want to do versus what should be doing

Guilt  certainly isn't a special experience for parents of twins, but I think there is a special kind of guilt for parents of multiples. The guilt of trying to meet the needs of both twins, particularly when they are infants.

I think any parent who has more than one child gets a taste of this as well; both children have wants and needs, and you cannot always meet those of both children at the same time.

Little Guy helping  Baby Girl with her pacifier

I remember when my own twins, Baby Girl and Little Boy, were infants, I went through much the same thing. Baby Girl was the needier of the two; she cried more easily, wanted to be held more, was more sensitive to her environment, and to physical needs. Little Boy on the other hand, was always more placid, more easy going.

Baby Girl would cry, so I would pick her up to comfort her. If she had her own way, she would have been held. All. The. Time!

And although Little Boy would have the same needs as Baby Girl, he didn't vocalize them as readily.


Despite wanting to treat them the same, to give them the same newborn experience, they didn't. It was easier to theorize all of this while I was pregnant with them, but once they were born, and the reality of having two babies set in, it was near impossible to treat them the same.

I've read about similar situations on plenty of forums for multiples; one twin nursed longer than the other, one twin co-slept while the other didn't, one twin was worn more, carried more, cradled more etc etc.

Thus the Twin Guilt.

I would love to say that over time I found a magic formula, a way to be able to fulfill the needs of each child. The truth is a little trickier though.

I gave what I could to both of them, and worked on the guilt. (I won't say "I did my best"; I have always had a difficult time with that phrase. No one is capable of 'doing their best' all the time. We do what we can, and that has to be okay).

Of course, it would be dreadful of me to leave you with no light at the end of this tunnel, aside from the acknowledgement that you are not alone in your mama-guilt. So, I offer you a couple of things that I found did help:

~ take any help you can! When friends and family come over to visit, and offer to hold a baby, ask that they hold the more demanding twin, giving you some one on one time with your less needy baby. Or, ask them to take both babies, and take ten minutes by yourself. Alone. A little alone time will help with just about everything!

~ wear your babies. I wore Baby Girl on my back a lot, once she could hold her head up (at about 3 - 4 months). This kept her close and happy, so I could focus more on Little Boy's needs.

~ remember that different children WILL have different experiences. My eldest child Little Guy was an only child for his first three and a half years; his infant and toddler years were shaped by our undivided attention. Comparing his experience with that of his younger siblings, is really different. Different is not necessarily bad, it is just that - different!

~ remembering that I am not advocating neglecting one of your babies, but that if you are giving them both what you can, while still leaving a little left over for yourself, then you are doing fine.

~ find a balance that works for you and your family. That might mean using tools that you may not have considered as an Attachment Parenting family, such as baby swings, bouncy chairs, sleeping alone, pacifiers, or supplementing with formula. You can still be an AP parent and use one of these! Work to release your expectations, or even the expectations of others, either real or perceived.

~ I first heard this advise from Melisa Nielsen, writer of the Waldorf Essentials curriculum, and I love it so much, I have it written out and tacked above my desk ... save guilt for sin. Parenting is a tough gig, and parenting multiples can be an extra challenge. Do what you can. Love them as much as you can. Hold them as often as you can. Take some deep breathes ... you're a great parent!


Have you found good ways to move past parenting guilt? What advice would you give to a friend in the throes of mama guilt? Feel free to share; I'd love to hear from you!

Twinning Tuesday, Wearing your Newborn Twins

There is something, for me at least, quite magical, quite wonderful, about the prolonged closeness that wearing your baby, or babies, brings. It is the ultimate win win! As a parent, you keep your babes close, but you can finally (finally!) get up off the couch and do things again, and your babes will love staying close to you; fewer tears, more bonding, better sleep, more comforting.

After wearing my first born, The Little Guy, for three plus years, I knew that I wanted to wear my twins, and as soon as possible. A little research and I found a couple of methods I thought would work best for me.

I started out with a Moby Wrap, which is a single piece of long stretching fabric, which you can wrap around your self and your Little Ones. These are extremely forgiving with beginners to wrapping, nice and comfortable for newborns, and not too expensive. Click here to see Moby Wraps from Amazon. Chances are, if you are wearing both of your twins at the same time, your Moby Wrap will have a relatively short life, maybe only until they are four months old, but it is still a great way to start out.

There are a slew of articles and tutorials out there on wearing twins, but I found this one in particular really helpful; the lady demonstrating took lots of time to show what she was doing, and talk everything through!



This carry technique is great for newborns, up until they are a collective weight of approximately 20 lbs. At that stage you will probably find that they have a little more head control and are ready for some different wrapping or carrying techniques.

I also spent a lot of time looking for a great video on YouTube (and elsewhere) of someone demonstrating how to do a Cross Cradle Carry for newborn twins, and couldn't find one that I just loved ... so I made one myself! Check it out!

p.s. The Little Guy makes a cameo performance; he was very excited at the whole video adventure.




One thing I would add, which I meant to mention in the video; a Moby wrap is infinitely more forgiving than a woven wrap, and is really a great place to start if your wrap technique is still developing.

If you are a little unsure of your wrapping, I really recommend doing your initially wraps while sitting on your bed or on your couch, and to have your spouse or a friend there to help. I still like to wrap in front of a mirror; it just helps me feel a little more secure, allowing me to see what I'm doing.

And, of course, make sure that there is plenty of room for your baby to breathe, and that their head is not slumping forward into their chest.

I spent a fair amount of time looking through photos of my own newborn twins, and I could not find a single photo of me wearing both of them - how did that happen?! But here is one of me with Baby Girl; I think this was the first time I wore her, at about 5 days old.

 

We will be talking more about wearing older twins in a future post, and spending some time talking about what baby wearing methods work better for wearing two.

What is your favorite babywearing method for newborns? If you have twins, do you wear them? Feel free to share; I'd love to hear from you!

Twinning Tuesday; A Disclaimer, ... and Attachment Parenting?!

Last week I announced the beginning of a new occasional series here on Simply, in the 'Burbs, about raising twins or multiples with an Attachment Parenting approach.

I really want to thank those readers who contacted me with their support and questions; it really means so much to me. Really! This was a big blogging step for me, and to know that there are interested readers makes this all worth while - thank you!!

And with that out of the way, I have to give a disclaimer: I'm not a parenting expert.

I haven't written parenting books, done independent research, spent years studying, or written a thesis on parenting. I haven't read every parenting book at Barnes and Noble, or read every parenting blog.

But! - I am a mama of three, including, 18 month old twins,so I have a couple of years of parenting experience under my belt. And back before I had my own Little Ones, I was a Montessori teacher, and I have a Masters in Early Childhood Development.

Really, though it is the past five years as a mama that give me the most resources to draw on in writing this series. Hands on experience trumps all!

I may not be brushed up on the latest research, but when it comes to an AP approach with young children, I've got 'been there, done that' kudos.

Little Boy (L) and Baby Girl (R), first post partum co-sleeping experience, aged 6 hours

And so, on to Attachment Parenting and Twins!

One thing I will not be doing in these posts is debating the benefits of an AP approach; rather I will be giving hands-on tips, resources and how-to's on bringing Attachment Parenting to twins/multiples.

In case you are not familiar with AP, are still reading and are still interested, let's spend a minute talking about what it is.

Attachment Parenting is a style of raising children, one where you are connected to your child's needs. For me, this always felt like I spent more time listening to my child's needs, and less time trying to inflict my will on the child.

Dr. Bill Sears originally coined the term Attachment Parenting, and remains one of it's biggest champions.

The seven basic principles of AP, as Dr. Sears wrote them, are:

1. Birth Bonding
2. Breastfeeding
3. Babywearing
4. Bedding Close to Baby
5. Beware of Baby Trainers
6. Belief in your Baby's Cry Language
7. Balance
(Taken from Dr. Sear's site; for the full article, and much more information on each of the principles click here)

The Attachment Parenting Book by Dr. Sears

When The Little Guy was born nearly 5 years ago, an AP approach seemed totally natural; I don't think we even realized that what we were doing was AP!
Nursing, listening to his needs, keeping him close through cradling him in my arms and later by wearing him, all of this just seemed obvious for My Good Man and I.

Three years later, when we had our twins, we were still able to implement the same principles, but they took a little more creative thinking, tenacity, determination and yes, more releasing, more letting o of what we could not do. We were not able to be quite the same AP parents with twins as we were with a singleton. We tried really hard, but we just weren't.

But for us at least, we recognized that it was alright. We were still able to implement each of the seven principles outlined by Dr. Sears with our twins, but maybe not as fully as we had with our singleton.

Baby Girl (left) and Little Boy (right), aged 16 months

If I could go back in time and give the post-twin-partum me one piece of advice, it would be to remember the 7th AP principle; BALANCE! That these are wonderful principles, but that they need to work for your family, for YOU! For example, if co-sleeping with twins is so difficult that neither parent is getting enough sleep, then it might not be working. Being rested, and able to properly care for your babies, AND yourselves is just as important. Keep things in balance.

Do what you can, and remember - no one will you be testing you on being the perfect Attachment Parenting Parent! Love your Little Ones, keep them close, and loved. Listen to them. Slow down. Love them some more! And know that you are doing a great job; this is hard work, but you are doing fine!


Where are you on your parenting journey? Are you using Attachment Parenting? Are there aspects that feel hard for you? Feel free to share; I'd love to hear from you!

Twinning Tuesday, An Introduction

Two years ago, when I first found out that I was expecting twins, I did what a lot of expectant parents do; I started reading and researching!

My learning curve was a steep one; my older child was two and half, so I felt that pregnancy and caring for a newborn was still fairly recent in my memory, but twins? I knew next to nothing.

Not only did I find that my basic knowledge of twins was minimal (fraternal? half identical? what?!) but that I struggled to find the information that fit our soon to be twin family. Although there were books, blogs, groups and web sites about twins, not many of them talked about baby wearing, co-sleeping, cloth diapering and breast feeding (let alone tandem nursing!)

The Two Little Ones, about 6 hours old, Baby Girl on the left and Little Boy on the right

 ... and again at 18 months old, Baby Girl on the left, Little Boy on the right.

Now I am eighteen months into my journey as mama to my twins, Baby Girl and Little Boy. Over the past year and a half, we figured out a lot. The best way to parent our babes, while maintaining an Attachment Parenting approach. We have successfully navigated breast feeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, gentle parenting and cloth diapering.

 I'll be starting an occasional series on twins: Twinning Tuesday. In it I'll be covering all sorts of topics, the sorts of things I wish that I had been able to read about both when I was expecting and when my two Littles were growing.


I hope you'll be joining me in the coming weeks; please feel free to email me here, or leave a comment, if there is a particular topic you are interested in my covering. I'm looking forward to hearing from you!